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Monday 26 September 2016

Summary, Thesis and Reader Response of Webpage Article on Detroit House [FINAL DRAFT]

In the article "This Detroit house is being turned into a living model of cost-saving sustainable design", Peters (2016) introduced Motown Movement as an initiative undertaken by three architecture students to design a sustainable living environment through affordable means. She then shared that the students were inspired to increase public awareness of sustainable and cost-effective ways to reconstruct houses, through workshops conducted in the revamped Detroit house - a living exhibition filled with green ideas. Through these workshops designed to address sustainability and cost effectiveness, people will be imparted with knowledge of green sustainability tricks which they could easily replicate in their houses. Peters summed up how the students collaborated with local organizations and their university to create projects flexible enough to accommodate varying conditions and spread the idea of Motown Movement to a worldwide level. With the above mentioned, I believe Motown Movement will be successful to a certain extent as they have visioned itself to be.

The reason why Motown Movement will be a success is because people are instilled with the awareness to create a better environmental health through the use of technology and the three R's - reduce, reuse and recycle. Therefore, the community would welcome the initiative upon its introduction to the city. As the bottom-up initiative will be led by community's involvements, word of Motown Movement will spread across the world as people influence one another to carry it out.


However, the initiative will be successful only to a certain extent due to the fact that there are people who do not regard sustainability as a priority. Stated in the Department for International Development (DFID) of United Kingdom's (UK) operational plan, Congo was evaluated as "chronically unstable, lacking infrastructure and social services, and falling far short of its economic potential"(Department for International Development, 2014, page 1). Also, according to Pasquali (n.d), Congo was ranked second as the poorest country in the world. 64.8% of the population live rural areas where people are plagued by "acute malnutrition" ("Democratic Republic of Congo", n.d., para. 7). With the above mentioned, it seems unlikely that achieving sustainability would prevail the desire of eradicating poverty and hunger. Albeit the aspect of reusing materials available around us is executable, green technology being one of the main ideas of the initiative would be a luxury they cannot afford to spend on. 
To conclude, Motown Movement is more of a success rather than failure. The number of partners they are collaborating with is increasing and with the help of publications from renown news firms it will definitely stand a chance to fulfill its goal of "fighting against climate change" and sharing "knowledge with people around the world"(The Motown Movement Partner Information, 2016, page 6).

Source:
Congo, Democratic Republic Of | WFP | United Nations World Food Programme - Fighting Hunger WorldwideWfp.org. Retrieved 24 September 2016, fromhttps://www.wfp.org/countries/congo-democratic-republic-of

Department for International Development. (2014). Operational Plan 2011-2016 DFID Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) (p. 5). Retrieved 24 September 2016, from GOV.UK: 
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/389482/DRC_Operational_Plan.pdf

Ministry of the Environment and Water Resources. (2015). Sustainable Singapore Blueprint 2015 (p. 11). Retrieved 24 September 2016, from Sustainable Singapore Blueprint 2015: http://www.mewr.gov.sg/ssb/files/ssb2015.pdf

Pasquali, V. Global Finance Magazine - The Poorest Countries in the WorldGlobal Finance Magazine. Retrieved 28 September 2016, from https://www.gfmag.com/global-data/economic-data/the-poorest-countries-in-the-world?page=12

Peters, A. (2016). This Detroit House Is Being Turned Into A Living Model Of Cost-Saving Sustainable Design. Retrieved 21 September 2016, from https://www.fastcoexist.com/3061563/world-changing-ideas/this-detroit-house-is-being-turned-into-a-living-model-of-cost-saving-s

The Motown Movement Partner Information. (2016) (1st ed., p. 6). Retrieved 5 October 2016, from http://themotownmovement.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/The-Motown-Movement-Partner-Information-June-2016-English.pdf

2 comments:

  1. 1. Does the summary seem to represent a good overview of the article (which you probably have not read)?
    Yes, the summary represents a good overview of the article. It is clear and straight to the point. The summary portrays the key points of the article and list them out in sequence. The summary has effectively elaborated on what the whole article is about.

    2. Is there a clear transition from the summary to the reader response?
    Yes, there is a clear transition from the summary to the reader’s response. Transitional words were used to make the entire article (summary, thesis and reader’s response) flow smoothly.

    3. Does the “response” seem to “make sense”? (In short, is your peers’ thesis well supported with evidence?)
    Yes, the thesis is well supported by the reader’s response. Statistics were provided as evidence to prove that sustainability is less feasible in developing countries (third world countries.)

    Regards
    Keith Chan

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  2. Thank you, Kaylin, for this effort. You do a very good job of summarizing Peters' article. You also provide a clear, concise and well focused thesis. The problem I see is with the way you support that thesis. Please see my comments below, and let's work on this.

    1) In the article "This Detroit house is being turned into a living model of cost-saving sustainable design", Peters (2016) introduced Motown Movement as an initiative undertaken by three architecture students to design a sustainable living environment through affordable means. She then shared that the students were inspired to increase public awareness of sustainable and cost-effective ways to reconstruct houses, through workshops conducted in the revamped Detroit house - a living exhibition filled with green ideas. >>>
    excellent summary intro :)

    2) planned on addressing >>> (odd phrasing) designed to address?

    3) summed up in how >>> summed up how

    4) Despite the initiative being an “adaptable” project, I feel that it may not be feasible for areas where accessibility and availability to materials are restricted. >>> clear thesis

    4.1) accessibility and availability to materials >>> accessibility to and availability of materials

    5) the talk of the town >>> a bit too idiomatic

    6) , have >>> (punctuation)

    7) The Sustainable Singapore Blueprint provide provides the reader with statistics of the current situation and the actions that could be taken by the reader to improve it (Ministry of the Environment and Water Resources, 2015). Her people are educated through handbooks which may be sent as leaflets to homes and published online. >>> unclear: how is this connected to your thesis?

    8) Having said that, sustainability would be unachievable... >>> (dangling modifier: Who has said?)

    9) Department for International Development's (DFID) >>> whose DFID

    10) In the first supporting body paragraph it is not where the connection with your thesis lies. In the second, you bring up the case of the Congo, but this seems like an outlier. Peters reports that the Dutch architects want to "create a master's program for other students to do the same thing in cities around the world." This would be a program based on local initiatives, not top-down implementation. So it seems that your support for your thesis is not so pertinent.

    11) You need clearer alignment between your thesis and a set of topic sentences that can easily be supported in the body paragraphs. To do that, you need to revisit what the Dutch architects actually plan in their masters program. Also, it may be easier to pursue this if you focus on what is achievable with the help of programs like the SSB. You could focus on the Case of Singapore, bringing this closer to home.

    Let's discuss this if it's unclear.

    12) good reference list, but it needs some polishing

    I appreciate your effort.

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